I'll see you soon

On a bookmark that I got from my Mom's room it reads: 


What Cancer Cannot Take from You

It cannot take away your 

Faith,

shatter your 

Hope

or lessen your 

Love.

It cannot destroy true

Friendship,

invade the

Soul

or take away

Eternal Life.

It cannot

conquer your

Spirit.

On December 19th, after fighting cancer for 5 years, my wonderful Mom passed away. My last day or so in Russia was very hectic as I received the news that she was passing quickly. I'm sure that I don't have the words to describe the feelings as my dad and mom asked me for permission for her to go "home", even if it was before I could make it. I was blessed enough to be able to see her and talk to her on her last night with us. I told her about Russia and all the things that I knew she would want to hear about- the pressed flowers and the jewelry eggs and I bore my testimony. I was the last of the kids to arrive, so we all got to be with her.  We sang some her favorite hymns and though she could not respond, I know she was listening, just as she always had. 

It's been just over a month since that day and I miss her now more than before. Those that know me, know that I was exceptionally close to my mom. It's strange now walking between classes or getting out of a test and not being able to call her to tell her about it. Sometimes it feels as if someone put a clamp on my heart and it stings because I miss her so much. I thought that as I went back to school and got involved in life here in Provo I would be busy enough to dull the ache but it's worse than it was at home. Regardless of all this, all the strange, lonely moments, I have found a deep and abiding peace. The Lord never leaves His children to suffer on their own. Yes, I am only 21 and I have lost my mother. I know that I am young and I still have a lot of achieve in my life that I won't get to tell her about till much much later. But that is just it. I get to see her again. I know that I will get to see her again and that this time I'll be able to give her a GIANT hug because her mortal frame will no longer be frail from it's battle for life. There will be no more chemo, no more dark days, and no more wheelchairs. 

My mom is an incredible woman and I have said for years that if I could be just like her when I grow up then I will be a success. I still stand by that assertion. The deep wells of her spirituality were enough for all of her children, no matter how much we demanded. But she remembered to teach us how to dig our own wells. It was through her and my father's example that I learned to rely on the Lord.  One time in high school I was having a hard time with some friendships and I went to my mom. I specifically remember her telling me that whenever she had times like that, she prayed and took it to the Lord because "Jesus Christ is my best friend,  no one else understands me fully, but he does. I can always go to him and he will always understand me." Thank you Mom, your profound words have saved me on more than one occasion. 

While us kids were sitting around telling memories of Mom over the break one particular one that we all seemed to have in common has stuck out to me. I remember looking for Mom because I needed something or couldn't find my shoe or something else of high importance. After walking around the house yelling, "MOM!!!" at the top of my lungs I would eventually find her in her room. I can see her now, kneeling by her bed in earnest prayer. I remember thinking.... this wont take very long, she has been praying for a while. After a while I learned to just go find something else to do because she wasn't almost done. 

I remember her excitement over trying a new piece of candy, or getting books at the library. I remember all the times she let me rest my head her lap, or rubbing lotion into my feet when I was in my cast. 

Mom- I'm glad that you aren't in pain anymore, even if that means I don't get to see you. Thank you for sticking it out longer than was necessary and suffering for our sake- so we could have you for longer. Thank you for loving all of us kids more than I'm sure I can understand right now. Thank you for teaching me to turn to the Lord, I wouldn't be able to make it through this if you hadn't. Thank you for marrying Dad, you got a winner:). Thank you for teaching me to love the world around me, but more importantly the people in it.

The friendship that we shared is more than most people experience in a full lifetime.

Cancer has strengthened my faith,

 fortified my hope

 and increased my love.

 It has revealed true friendships, 

and reminded me of the promise of eternal life.

I love her dearly and because my parents were married in the temple and have kept those covenants I will see her again and be able to spend time with her again. I know that Christ lived, died and rose again for us. Not only did he pay for all of our sins so that we can be forgiven but he died so that we will live again. My faith is unshaken and my determination to live more righteously only strengthen. Mom, thank you for being my best friend and more importantly my mother. I'll see you soon. <3