So I feel like it is time for me to post a blog, even though I'm not sure what to say. I don't really care if this blog is read or not; I just need to get these thoughts out of my head.
It's not funny how life can rip your heart out, especially when you weren't expecting it or planning on it. It's not funny how you can take inventory of your life and you realize that you aren't pleased with the results. It stinks when "something" is missing. Perhaps I'm missing a part of myself. I guess I thought that I was more in control of my life than I actually was and now I am beginning to cope with that fact. Not that I have no agency. I certainly have that. But its using it without regrets that I struggle with. It's learning to hope when things are bleak. Its learning to believe yourself when you say I'm hoping for the best and I know it will get better.
Sometimes all you have to do is live and learn and keep your head up, but at the time that is the hardest thing to do.
"Keep your chin up"
How many times have I heard that over the years?
To be truthful I've really only heard it from two people in my life, but every time it has gone straight to my core.
Shout out to those people who have told me that but won't even be reading this blog...
I am thankful for all of my friends and family and even my random acquaintances. There have been people in my life who have done small things for me that have made the biggest difference. So thank you to all the people who have seen me alone and been my friend, to those who have given me a hug and claimed that THEY needed it, thank you to the people that told me that it's okay to cry, and thank you to those people that seemed to know what I needed even when I didn't.
Thank you to all those people who have made me smile, laugh, and most importantly, those who have inspired me to reach out beyond myself and look for ways to help those around me.
This could be one of the hardest times in my life that I have ever experienced, and for once I'm not sure how long this will take me to get over and I don't know how I am going to get through this, but I know I will.
"He that findeth his life shall lose it: and he that loseth his life for my sake shall find it."
Sometimes there´s to much going on inside, mix emotions, conflicts, etc... We don´t even realize thats its a big "much" of it that weights tons in our back, not until we start talking or writting about it... we discover that it was something, something worth takeing off our shoulders...
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