Some Things Take Time

So I feel like it is time for me to post a blog, even though I'm not sure what to say. I don't really care if this blog is read or not; I just need to get these thoughts out of my head.

It's not funny how life can rip your heart out, especially when you weren't expecting it or planning on it. It's not funny how you can take inventory of your life and you realize that you aren't pleased with the results. It stinks when "something" is missing. Perhaps I'm missing a part of myself. I guess I thought that I was more in control of my life than I actually was and now I am beginning to cope with that fact. Not that I have no agency. I certainly have that. But its using it without regrets that I struggle with. It's learning to hope when things are bleak. Its learning to believe yourself when you say I'm hoping for the best and I know it will get better.

Sometimes all you have to do is live and learn and keep your head up, but at the time that is the hardest thing to do.

"Keep your chin up"

How many times have I heard that over the years?

To be truthful I've really only heard it from two people in my life, but every time it has gone straight to my core.

Shout out to those people who have told me that but won't even be reading this blog...

I am thankful for all of my friends and family and even my random acquaintances. There have been people in my life who have done small things for me that have made the biggest difference. So thank you to all the people who have seen me alone and been my friend, to those who have given me a hug and claimed that THEY needed it, thank you to the people that told me that it's okay to cry, and thank you to those people that seemed to know what I needed even when I didn't.

Thank you to all those people who have made me smile, laugh, and most importantly, those who have inspired me to reach out beyond myself and look for ways to help those around me.

This could be one of the hardest times in my life that I have ever experienced, and for once I'm not sure how long this will take me to get over and I don't know how I am going to get through this, but I know I will.

"He that findeth his life shall lose it: and he that loseth his life for my sake shall find it."

I Believe in Miracles

I am currently enrolled in a class that teaches us how to teach students with disabilities. It is a fascinating class and I am learning to much. One of the very first assignments that we had to complete was a personal IEP. Basically, the assignment was to create goals for ourselves for our Physical, Intellectual, and Spiritual health. We made the goals and were required to write down how we were going to achieve our goals. For example, for my physical health I want to be more hyrdated and make it into a habit because there are so many positive benefits. I wrote down that I would accomplish this goal by bringing my water bottle with me to classes. For my intellectual goal I am reading "Walden" by Henry David Thoreau. For my spiritual goal I decided that I wanted to make a habit of reading The Book of Mormon everyday. So I decided on ten minutes a day in the morning before I began to get ready because that is the best time for me to dedicate to a daily ritual.

The last few days I have had an intense amount of homework to do and I was a little concerned about how I would get it all done. I won't bore you with the details but let's say that Monday morning I woke up at 5 a.m and I was working straight through until about midnight only to set my alarm for 5 a.m again. A good amount of my homework I needed other people for and thankfully enough they were available and could help me.

A similar experience happened this morning that has left me in awe all day. As I said before I had set my alarm for 5 a.m with hopes of getting my homework done before my 8 a.m class. While I vaguely remember turning off one of my 3 alarms and when I woke up it was 6:00. One hour later. Surprisingly, I didn't get an adreneline rush, but as I was sliding out of bed I decided to read my scriptures regardless of the time just praying for a miracle.

I believe in miracles.

There is no way that I should have finished that homework and still had the time that I did to rush around getting ready. I know I had divine assistance this morning, I have no doubt in my mind of that.

It's a Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood

Today is a glorious day!

This morning, for church, I went to the Utah State Mental Hospital and escorted patients to their meeting. I volunteered to do this last week and hadn't thought much about it in preparation. When I got to the hospital it hit me what I was actually doing, and for a minute I was really nervous. As soon as we got to see the patients though, that fear melted away and the only negative thing that I felt was a little awkwardness.

We walked with them up to the chapel and when we entered, the man I was walking closest to went straight to the back row on the far side. I hung back for a minute deciding whether or not to go sit next to him. I would need to slide past him on the row which could present an awkward situation. I hummed and hawed for a minute and discussed in hushed nervous whispers with another first time volunteer about what we should do. Then a though crossed my mind;

"What would Jesus do?"

He would,"succor the ^bweak, lift up the hands which hang down, and ^cstrengthen the ^dfeeble knees."

So I walked over and asked the man if I could sit next to him. He accepted and scooted so that I could slide by and sit beside him. During the first hymn of the meeting I held the book out between us, not knowing how he would respond, and he took the other side. While he struggled with communication (most of his words were mostly grunts) he was trying to sing along and I could understand most of what he sang. Between the songs he struggled to stay awake, readjusting occasionally and burping. During the second hymn he sang the whole first line of "I Stand All Amazed."

"I stand all amazed at the love Jesus offers me"

Words cannot even describe how the Spirit poured over me. It was just like we were told before we walked down to escort them, "Their minds are sick, but their spirits are not"

After we walked the patients back to their rooms they stood and shook our hands, smiling and saying our names in a farewell. They cared so much about us and they were so grateful.

It was an incredible experience.

Note from the Author: This was supposed to be posted yesterday 3/13/2011.

Little Jellies

"Jellyfish are known for drifting to and fro at the whim of ocean currents—but not all species are so passive. The millions of golden jellyfish that pack Palau’s Jellyfish Lake spend much of their lives on the move during a daily migration that follows the sun’s arc across the sky.

Before sunrise, the jellies cluster along the saltwater lake’s western shore. Each morning around 6, when dawn brightens the eastern sky, they begin to swim toward the light. Pumping water through their bells, these jellyfish use a type of jet propulsion to follow the sunlight until they nearly reach the eastern shore—stopping just short of the shadows caused by lakeside trees.

Sunlight is plentiful on this remote Pacific island, which is a good thing because golden jellyfish don’t just enjoy basking in the sun—they need its light to survive. Solar rays nourish essential, algae-like organisms called zooxanthellae, which live symbiotically in the jellies’ tissues and provide their hosts with energy as a byproduct of their photosynthesis.
Golden jellyfish rest relatively contentedly in place at midday when the tropical sun remains high overhead. But each afternoon, as the sun continues its slow crawl toward the western horizon, the jellies reverse course and return to the western shore to await the dawning of a new day.
This remarkable migration pattern has a crucial consequence: The jellyfish avoid the shaded lakeshore areas where their primary predators, anemones, live.

The daily migration also benefits the lake, which once had an outlet to the sea but has been long since become isolated. As the gelatinous hordes swim back and forth across the lake they mix its waters—and churn the nutrients and small organisms that form the base of the food chain." - Golden Jellyfish. National Geographic. 1 March 2011

I found this article entirely on accident and was immediately enthralled. I like to think of these little Jellies in terms of us and our relationship with the light of truth and Jesus Christ. There are many parallels and even more that I have yet to see, but below are a few that I wanted to share.

There are many Jellyfish who simply drift; there are also many people who simply dri

ft. Without something to follow we tend to drift, or to go in a direction that we choose ourselves. The problem with choosing paths without a guiding influence is that we have a limited perspective as to where that road will eventually leave. It would require experience to learn where the predators lurk.

Back to the Golden Jellies...

I love that they gather together and follow the light all day. It is a beautiful thought, that there are beings that unfailingly follow the light. Some may say, "Yes, but they need that light to survive." Don't we need light to survive as well? Don't our Spirits fail without the

constant nurturing from the light of Christ? Don't we become weak and spiritually malnourished when we are "too tired", "too busy", or perhaps "too smart" to seek truth?

Truth in its purest form can keep us from the dark depths of doubt and the predators that prowl in the shadows. If we are not only aware of the light, but we make an effort to follow it, then it will be given the time to make a long term difference in our lives. It isn't easy to swim all day, every day, but the little jellies do it. Can we not be that diligent in our own spiritual lives?

I also think that it is fascinating that the current they create benefits the entire lake; similarly to how those who maintain their moral values and strive to follow truth are a enlivening influence to their own environment. They change their environment for the better because of the direction they chose to move in. Do we see that effect in our lives? Do we really understand that we can change our world for the better if we move in a good direction?

As we absorb truth, it becomes a part of us and provides the support we need to become better. Just like the "Solar rays nourish essential, algae-like organisms called zooxanthellae...[which] provide their hosts with energy as a byproduct of their photosynthesis" the light will nourish our spirits and give our souls the energy to continue in the light. The Lord will support us with His spirit, but we first need to qualify by demonstrating our desire to follow His counsel.

Truly, there are parallels to the truth of the Gospel everywhere we look, if we are looking for the right things. Sometimes its hard to continue following the light; it takes work every day, but the little Jellies do it and I believe that we can too.